Marcia Lane-McGee lives by the airplane flight rule that requires a person to put their oxygen mask on first before helping others.
She’ll tell you that in order for her to have a productive day, she must first put on her mask. Lane-McGee will spend an hour every morning working out, staying hydrated, and consuming protein.
The 40-year-old woman spends her days combatting injustice, advocating for others, and taking care of five teenage boys. Lane-McGee is a family teacher for Mooseheart, a residential childcare organization located west of Chicago. In her career, Lane-McGee cares for children in need of stable homes and teaches them social skills in a family setting.
“I really love my job. I love my kids, even though they drive me crazy as much as any teenagers do,” Lane-McGee said.
Eighteen years ago, Lane-McGee received unexpected news that she was 20 weeks pregnant.
While pregnant, Lane-McGee lost her college financial aid, prompting her to drop out of school with no place to work or live.
“I had nothing,” Lane-McGee said. “I didn’t know what to do and it was in the dead of winter. I didn’t have a coat that fit anymore. I didn’t have anything.”
Lane-McGee eventually moved in with a friend in Indiana and she decided to pursue an open adoption. This would allow her to still be in contact with her son while he is raised by an adoptive family.
During her last trimester, she received support from WIC, a federal nutrition program, and financial assistance provided by the adoption for pregnancy related costs.
As a result of certain adoption laws in Indiana, the family seeking to adopt Lane-McGee’s son said they would have to pull out of the adoption if she couldn’t move to Illinois.
Lane-McGee decided to move, where she stayed with another friend and slept on an air mattress for the remainder of her pregnancy.
Throughout her entire experience as a birth mom, Lane-McGee said that she never received the support she needed.
“No one was the bad guy, but no one did right by me,” Lane-McGee said. “It was really traumatic.”
She recalled a specific memory where this occurred.
Post-delivery, a nurse decided to make Lane-McGee give a “proper goodbye” to her son traumatized the woman. The nurse insisted that she wait for the arrival of the adoptive family to give her son away.
Lane-McGee reluctantly listened the nurse’s demands and was obliged to carry her son in her arms as they wheeled her out of the hospital.
“I didn’t want to let him go,” Lane-McGee said, shedding some tears as she recalled the memory. “She had to take my baby out of my arms. I won’t ever forget that moment.”
Eighteen years later, Lane-McGee said she is still dealing with the trauma that her pregnancy caused.
“It’s like always - always, always, always, a piece of me is missing,” she said. “It changed everything.”
Although she is close with her son, she said there has been a shift in their relationship ever since she took the job as a caregiver at Mooseheart a year after her pregnancy.
“Right now, I’m raising teenagers, and he’s a teenager I’m not raising,” Lane-McGee said. “I think that might be hard for him.”
Despite this, Lane-McGee said that the kids she cares for and that her job as a caregiver are the cure the “dull ache” she feels for not having her son.
“Her experience as a birth mom helps her to appreciate what parents are giving up for their children to come live at Mooseheart,” said Shannon Schmidt, a longtime friend of Lane-McGee. “She can also acknowledge that she… will not take the place of their parents.”
Lane-McGee said that working in youth development was something she always wanted to pursue. Her goal is to not just serve people, but to find justice in the service that she provides for others.
As a caregiver to five teenage boys, she seeks to understand and build relationships with them to better serve their needs.
Lane-McGee believes it’s not enough just to know someone is in need, but to really understand the circumstances of others to better serve them.
“It’s not just understanding that… there’s a beating heart inside you,” Lane-McGee said. “I need to understand what you need to keep that heart beating.”